Best of Bloopers: 2012

Happy 2013!  I'm finally back to some semblance of normalcy after spending the last few weeks in holiday mode, dealing with moving, working and having an incredible week in NYC.  In and out of juggling said activities, I finally had the chance to catch up on some of my favorite blogs over the past few days.  Just like the ever-popular holiday gift guides of December (I didn't do one), I noticed a healthy dose of "Best of 2012" posts.  

I'm relatively new to the blogging world so it's kinda fun to make way through each new season to see what that month's newest bandwagon would be.  And for whatever reason, these Best of 2012 posts kinda left me scratching my head- I didn't see them coming.  What are these based on?  Most flattering pictures of one's self?  Most commented content?  Favorite posts?  

I then naturally thought, well I started green beans & grapefruit at the end of March.  What would my Best of be?  How would I choose such listings?  I was perplexed.  These posts kind of reminded me of the 5 minute (aka way-too-long) "best of" segments The Today Show does of Natalie, Al, Matt, and Savannah just dancing in every clip.  What's the point?

BUT, I still liked the idea of doing a Best of and since I couldn't determine what qualified, I figured I could answer the often-asked question of "Since you're a chef, do you ever burn things?" with a bloopers 2012 post.  And while we're at it, as a chef, yes, I burn things.  I also set things on fire.  I make food that doesn't taste good (often involving baking experimentation- I'm savory trained) and I occasionally drop a cake.  Here are some highlights:

{I didn't need that paper towel anyway}

{I didn't need that paper towel anyway}

It happens, it happens.  

{blueberry something something muffins?}

{blueberry something something muffins?}

I have no idea what these were but they came out as the good looking ones!  My other shots are unfortunately too blurry to post but they involved much more grey-blue sunkenness. 

{ill-conceived carrot-coconut macaroons}

{ill-conceived carrot-coconut macaroons}

This was a farm to table Passover idea gone wrong.  I even salted and drained the carrots so they wouldn't be too moist and bleed (errr).  In case you're wondering, chewing on sweetened shredded coconut and carrots isn't the most appetizing way to spend 5 seconds.

{apple/honey/walnut thumprints- SO disgusting}

{apple/honey/walnut thumprints- SO disgusting}

For these I was trying to do a Rosh Hashannah cookie using the classic pairing of apples and honey.  My first problem was that I should have made an apple jelly rather than a sauce.  My second problem was that the cookie part was too dense and crumbly.  For whatever reason I thought walnuts were a good idea.  They burned.

{if chocolate chip pumpkin loaf & a brick had a baby...}

{if chocolate chip pumpkin loaf & a brick had a baby...}

Oh boy, this one.  Between cameras, I was left using my iphone to take this pic.  What I captured was the birth of a pumbrick loaf.  It weighed a record 12 pounds and I wish I would have taken a video because it made a really loud thump upon arrival.

{turkey lasagna: kinda dry/ made with swiss cheese/ tasted strange}

{turkey lasagna: kinda dry/ made with swiss cheese/ tasted strange}

I made a turkey lasagna (loaded with veggies) but for whatever reason I was feeling Norwegian and decided against my better judgment to add shredded jarslberg.  This was by no means bad, but it wasn't good.  Slightly weird tasting and lacking of moisture.

{blackberry biscuits}

{blackberry biscuits}

These get a big fat ZERO.  I again was trying to be farm to table and ended up with flat, dense, (what color is THAT?!) biscuits.  FAIL.

{sometimes I don't grease cake pans correctly}

{sometimes I don't grease cake pans correctly}

As stated, I'm savory trained.  I find baking therapeutic (when I don't have 1,000 other things going on), but truthfully have never been a huge fan of making cakes.  This was the Hummingbird Cake, which after some crafty frosting patchwork, I managed to take a very mediocre picture of the finished product.

{kale-mushroom focaccia pizza w/ soggy undertones}

{kale-mushroom focaccia pizza w/ soggy undertones}

I woke up one Sunday so stoked to make mushroom kale pizza!  While the dough recipe itself was great, what I should have done was put this on a bigger sheet tray, parchment free.  This shot was before baking, but the final product was doughy and a tad soggy.  

{this sucked!}

{this sucked!}

Ohhhh, you see why I don't like making cakes??  This was the Avocado-Meyer Lemon Bundt Cake I posted this past September.  This is also what can happen when you try to balance a camera in one hand and a cake stand in the other.  I pieced this back together to serve to my family who couldn't figure out why the cake was green and why it looked like it was dropped.  "Because it's avocado and I dropped it."

And there you have it.